Khamis, 24 Oktober 2013

A Marriage

Marriage like any other relationship is never perfect. Even the best of marriages tumble. Most experts agree that the key to a successful and loving marriage is hard work, commitment and constant re-evaluation of our expectations and how we communicate. Sounds easy enough, but in reality, it's easier saying than doing.

I spoke to a few marriage therapists and Muslim counselors in South Africa and asked what they noticed to be the most common niggly issues that couples face. Of course, there were more complex problems like infidelity and drugs, but the others may surprise you and might have you take a second look at your own relationship.

1. I Love You…Now Change- This seems to be one of the biggest issues most couples face. Spouses so often try to change the other to a version that they would love more. The very qualities that were cute in the beginning turn into something that causes much resentment and contempt. 

If you married a slob, he will not automatically change into a neat and orderly person because you want him to. The only person you can change is you. The best you can do is changing your response.

2.Talking VS Communicating- The most common misconception threatening marriage is that couples mistakenly believe that talking means communicating, that is, whenever they engage in talking, they believe they are communicating.

Voicing our complaints, criticism and emotional blackmail are not tools of communication. Learn to express your feelings with assertiveness and not from a point of complaint and criticism. This will help protect your marriage at a later stage. Effective communication means we listen and we are willing to see the world through the eyes of our partners, and not only our own. If we listen as well as we speak, real connecting would take care of itself. 

3. Time Management- Modern lifestyle equals stressful lifestyle. Time is of the essence and many couples do not manage their time efficiently. Couples are pulled in all directions on a day-to-day basis except towards each other.

Quality time even if it is just five minutes a day, is an essential requirement of marriage. Couples need to regularly re-evaluate their relationship in a gentle and honest manner, if only just to know whether they are on the same page or not.

4. Intimacy- Nadirah Angail, author and therapist from believes that lack of intimacy is a major issue in Muslim marriages. “Sex is only a small part of intimacy’’, she says. It is more about being fully engaged as a couple. Staying connected on every level. Spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. Most couples constantly face an uphill battle to keep the spark alive. Intimacy is not a goal that couple should seek but rather a journey, which lasts throughout marriage.

5. Turned Focus- The most frequent issue men seem to have is that the focus of the wife changes when the couple have children. It often leads to the husband feeling inadequate and neglected which in turn, leads to lack of intimacy. Couples also allow technology to interfere with their relationship; this is quite rampant with people texting at dinner, surfing the Internet in the evenings and using their smart phones constantly. 

As a result, the focus on each other is shifted. Sitting next to your partner with your own tablets does not equate to quality time. 

6. Money, Money, Money- Money is a huge issue. Marriages can often survive infidelity but money issues can be a dissolver of the marital union universally. Nadirah maintains that this issue is not uncommon in the Muslim household. It can be way at times for the insecure man to control the woman. In a two-income household, there is often resentment felt for the partner who earns more. This often leads to unhealthy competition.

7. Forgive Me; Honey- Forgiveness should come easy to a relationship based on mutual love. Not so for a majority of couples according to the experts. Unwillingness to forgive for minor offences (i.e. not unpacking the dishwasher, leaving clothes lying around) and major issues (i.e. accumulating debt) can affect negatively on a relationship. Most issues in a marriage can arise from a partner’s unwillingness to forgive each other. In marital life, forgiveness should be unconditional.

8. Lack of Appreciation- When appreciation is low, conflict is high. Lack of appreciation is often the root cause of infidelity in marriage. Couples tend to take their partner for granted. They mistakenly believe they will always be there. When two people feel 100% validated and appreciated by their partner, there is little room for conflict.

9. Emotional Affairs- Islamic Care line, a counseling service for couples in South Africa has seen a major rise in emotional affairs with the advancement of technology. These affairs are usually not about sex, but more an emotional intimacy shared with someone else rather than the partner.

Learning to trust and be emotionally healed after these types of affairs can be incredibly difficult. Couples face a huge uphill battle, and it can be avoided if the partner learned to express their feelings and needs to their significant other.

10. Power Struggles- Anisa Moosa, a social worker at Islamic Care line finds this to be huge issue in marriages as couples compete even spiritually to be on top of the relationship. Each partner tries to outdo the other and this can have disastrous effect if the couples do not know when or how to toe the line.

When winning and being right becomes more important than having a loving union then the victory is often hollow and short lived. Relationships are complicated and couples’ circumstances are unique. Although these are certainly not all of the relationship troubles that can befall us, they are the most common ones, which seem to be reported. Always invest in your relationship and be grateful that Allah has bestowed you with a beloved partner in this world.

Rabu, 23 Oktober 2013


1. Tidur satu selimut bersama isteri
2. Memakai wangi-wangian
3. Mandi bersama isteri
4. Menyikat rambut suami
5. Membantu isteri di dapur
6. Minum bergantian pada tempat yang sama
7. Membelai isteri
8. Tidur dipangkuan isteri
9. Memanggil dengan kata-kata mesra
10. Berjalan berpegangan tangan

Selasa, 24 September 2013

Keys to a Great Relationship

There are six keys to a GREAT relationship:

1-Friendship: Try to be your spouse best friend. No matter what happens, be a friend first, and a lover later.

2-Trust: The key element to any relationship is trust, so before starting this beautiful journey with your spouse, learn to trust in all circumstances.

3-Understanding: Try to figure out each other and work out on our differences. There are going to be many differences, but it’s mutual compromise and sacrifice which makes this relationship beautiful.

4-Communication: Try to talk and convey your message to your spouse. Let your spouse know about how good/ bad your day was along with remind them how you feel for them.

5-Honesty: Always speak the truth, never lie or hide things in fear that your spouse won’t understand. Give your spouse a chance to understand you.

6-Freedom: Give your spouse space and freedom to decide for themselves. Don’t take away the personal time of your spouse.

When you have practised all of the above, then trust Allah and you will see how beautiful life gets. In shaa Allah...!!! 

Rabu, 11 September 2013

Ten Rules for a Happy Marriage

1. Never both be angry at the same time.
2. Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.
3. If one of you has to win an argument, let it be your mate.
4. If you must criticize, do it lovingly.
5. Never bring up mistakes of the past.
6. Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
7. Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.
8. At least once every day say a kind or complimentary word to your life partner.
9. When you have done something wrong, admit it and ask for forgiveness.
10. Remember it takes two to make a quarrel. and the one is the wrong is the one who does the most talking.

Rabu, 4 September 2013


Winning Your Spouse's Love

1. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favour by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.
2. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce.
3. Be generous with her.
4. Look good and smell great for your wife.
5. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, and names she loves to hear.
6. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family.
7. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.
8. Get rid of routine, surprise her.
9. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses.
10. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her.
11. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you.
12. Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
13. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they be come big.
14. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within Halaal boundaries.


Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. 
The fight between us & our nafs will never end. 
Whatever it is, never lose hope from Allah's Mercy...!!!

Selasa, 3 September 2013

A Story About True Love

A young couple was very much in love, decided to get married.

Some months before nikkah, the bride had an accident and remained with face completely disfigured.

" I can't marry you, she wrote to her fiance.
I will stay sharp and uggly forever.

Find yourself another beautiful young woman as you deserve, because i'm not worthy of you ! "

Few days later, she ... received this answer from her fiance :

" Whoever is truly shamfull is me, i thrust in that following to eye disease, the doctor just told me that i will stay blind !

If despite this, you want to accept me, i still want to marry you ! "

They get married at that time, the fiance was totally blind.

They lived 20 years in LOVE, in joy and understanding.

She was his guide and became his eyes and light.

LOVE has guided into the tunnel of darkness.

One day, she became seriously ill and dying, she regretted living him alone in the darkness.

The day she died, he opened his eyes to the astonishment of all.

" I was not blind, he said.
I pretented that i was blind, for distressed her in the thought that i will see her face disfigured.
Now my LOVE based on her ! "


Isnin, 26 Ogos 2013

Mesir Bumi Berdarah

Jom! Bagi sesiapa yang berada di Kelantan, sama- sama kita selami dengan lebih dekat keadaan sebenar di bumi Mesir. 

Mesir dulunya tempat pengajianku. Mesir dulunya penuh dengan wangian persaudaraan. 
Masyarakat Mesir memang ramah, membuatkannya begitu dekat di hati. 
Sampai ke saat ini masih terkenangkan sahabat yang paling akrab dari Ardhul Kinanah, si prihatin Aisyah dan keluarganya. Dimanakah dia sekarang agaknya... masih selamatkah mereka di sana? atau sudah gugur sebagai syahid menemui Azza wa jalla.
 Aisyah Hamdi Abdul at Tawwab dan kembarnya si Abdul Rahman... mereka ku kenal sebagai Muslim yang kukuh akidahnya, andai syahid ketentuan bagimu, sesungguhnya kamu adalah insan terpilih.
Misriyyuun, sifatnya lantang, penuh keberanian. 
Syahid menjadi buruan, tanpa sedikit pun rasa keruan.

Isnin, 5 Ogos 2013


Khusus buat sesiapa yang tak berkesempatan untuk mengeluarkan zakat fitrah , ada alternatif yang boleh membantu anda. 

Kadar fitrah bagi Negeri Kelantan pada tahun ini ialah RM 7.00 seorang.

Penggunaan perkhidmatan ini adalah PERCUMA. Berikut adalah kaedah membuat bayaran menggunakan SMS
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 Bayaran zakat fitrah juga boleh dibuat untuk tanggungan ataupun sebagai wakil. Resit bayaran zakat melalui SMS ini boleh dimuat turun dari laman berikut :
   Pembayaran hanya diterima sehingga 29 Ramadhan 1433 H sehingga jam 6.00 petang sahaja.

Kredit kepada laman web MAIK

Sabtu, 25 Mei 2013

Ramadhan Is Closer

Its only another 45 days to be Ramadhan.
I wish we can be together on this coming Ramadhan